there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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