No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
