I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
