you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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