Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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