the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
