Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
