We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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