I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
