His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
