After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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