if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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