I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
