omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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