some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
COCAINE IS GR8
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