I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
