just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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