why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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