I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
