STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
