Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need a beard to bite.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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