singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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