I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
