I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
