What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
