I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
