What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
