I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
