I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
