So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
