So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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