The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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