That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
