I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
