im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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