I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
