When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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