Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
