Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
