If i come over, it means nothing
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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