Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
