do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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