How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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