A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
