cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
