Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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