We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
