Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
