**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
