dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
