My friends, they love my intelligence
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
