made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
