I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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