she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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