I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
