Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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