she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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