She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
