it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
