someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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