no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
