Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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