you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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This is my life. Enjoy the view
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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