WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize