How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
