I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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