wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
In America we eat man semen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
