My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
