I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
