It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
