the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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