Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
