And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
