Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Randomize
