Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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