umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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