Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
