Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
